Hello, everyone, here we are at another Thursday and that of course mean time for a little more about BPD and this week we are looking at chronic emptiness.
It seems that people with BPD feel a pervasive sense of hollowness, which can start in early childhood for some suffers this would include my sister. I feel she has felt this hollow, empty feeling for most of her life.
I can remember Sue referring to herself as the black sheep of the family because she felt like she never fitted in or belonged and that we didn’t want her around. It would make me angry because I never thought of her in that way. I now know that this is due to her BPD but back then none of us had heard of BPD.
I also now understand that episodes of trauma can exacerbate these feelings of emptiness and trust me Sue has experience several traumatic events in her life.
What I didn’t know until recently was that to fill that void those with BPD would look for external rewards such as shopping, eating, drugs or sex. Of course, these things would only temporarily fill the void and like being on a blow-up raft with a slow leak you need to constantly top it up.
The emptiness they feel is like chronic depression, extreme boredom, being completely disconnected from like and apathy.
This is why someone with BPD strongly desires to feel whole to the point of it being overwhelming. They often don’t know who they are and are always desperately looking for a solution. They want and need for the emptiness to end and to feel part of something.
This emptiness they feel can be incredibly anxiety provoking to the point of traumatic, it can and does also make someone with BPD feel as if they are broken which causes them immense anger, shame and fear. They will often feel they are not good enough and wonder why the hell anyone would want them in their lives.
It is hard on those of us who love and try to be as supportive as we can because there is only so much, we can do and say. Sometimes all we feel we can do is give a hug.
Good morning from me to you this Wednesday, here is a little more about the bombing of Darwin during WW11.
Just before the air rain alarm went off there were 70 waterside workers unloading vessels and when the pier was hit these men found themselves stuck ad on the edge. Dozens of them ended up in the water and had to swim through burning oil. Twenty-two are known to have died.
There were of course many heroic deeds happening like the men in the water being pulled from the water by med in small boats.
The Darwin Post office after the bombing
In the town the post office was hit killing nine people, these were the postmaster, his wife, their daughter and four female telephonists who were essential workers and their supervisor and another PMG worker.
Taking shelter in an air raid trench
The air-raid shelter in the post office garden where they went for safety took a direct hit.
Another business bombed was the hospital, but no one died there.
One story of a man escaping injury during the attack was that of Reginald Rattley a 26yr old telephone mechanic who had tried to shelter with the postmaster and other only to there wasn’t room so went over the Esplanade cliff to the beach. As he jumped a bomb-blast lifted him bodily onto the sand where he landed safely.
By 10.30am the first raid was over it lasted just over half an hour.
Tuesday is creature day and this week’s creature is the Yuruani Glass Frog. These frogs can be found in Central and South America. Their habitat is generally wet lowland forests near streams or rivers. They are usually found on leaves of shrubs; they also frequent waterways with brilliant red jasper rocks.
Its skin covering its belly and chest area is transparent so you can see its internal organs like its heart and bones. They are only small, around 2cm long. There are sticky pads and webbed toes that allow it to lay its eggs on the underside of leaves that hang over water. When they hatch the larvae fall into the water.
Its back is yellowish-green with lime blotches which blend perfectly with the leaves on which they live. It also has bulging golden-brown eyes.
Hello everyone, let’s kick off this week with a little bit of info about another Central American country this week it is Nicaragua.
It is the largest Central American country set between the Pacific Ocean and the Caribbean Sea. It is known for its many volcanoes and lakes and its two coastlines with coral reefs and mangrove forests which are rich with flora and fauna.
The capital is Managua, the country has a population of around 7 million. Its government is a republic, and the currency is called Cordoba. The official name of the country is the Republic of Nicaragua. The official language is Spanish.
Their flag is a horizontally striped, blue white with a central coat of arms. The coat of arms includes a triangle for equality, a liberty cap for freedom and five volcanoes between two oceans, symbolic of the five original Central American countries between the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans.
The flag was first adopted on 4 September 1908 but not made official until 27 August 1971. It is based on and inspired by the flag of the Federal Republic of Central America and flag of Argentina.
It isn’t a country where peace is the norm, in fact there have been a number of civil wars like dating back to 1926.
Right now, it is a country where certain security precautions need to be taken, especially for women travelling alone. The Nicaragua government says it is not a place at war or overrun by drug cartels. How safe it is I have no idea but not a country I will be going too.
I don’t feel as cold this morning, it is 10 degrees, I slept well and feel good this morning. Well, the temp went up to 12 degrees by 9am but by 9am I was so cold I was shivering. I was seated in my armchair with 2 crochet rugs over my legs. I sent Sued and Sandy messages about how cold is, gave Sue a laugh the way I said whatever it was I said.
Jess needs someone (because she is a big baby) to ring housing to tell them she has a broken window. She has no idea how it got broken but suspects it was a bird flying into it as they have done that many times. I tried to report it online but there was no option to suitable, so I asked Tim to ring and report it. He said to ask Tasha to do it. Talk about passing the buck. I suspect I will have to ring tomorrow to do it.
Jess came over and she and Tim had a long talk about the roads around the Uni, as Tim will be doing Uni runs with his new job and Jess is a security guard at the Uni
The temp got to 20 degrees.
Up at 4.52am to pee, so stayed up and had the heater in the lounge-room on and the one in the bathroom while I washed and dressed. It was only 8 degrees at 5.30am.
I had to turn the heater on for a little bit as the cold was giving me a headache. By midday it was 19 degrees.
Tasha went and bought me bread, if you have bread then you have something to eat.
I rang up about Jess’s window and someone came out this afternoon and replaced it. Tasha met the guy and spoke to him, and I hung around while he did the job, Tasha went to meet Sam as it is the school’s early day.
Up at 5am after a good night only woke once to pee which was at 1am., it was 8 degrees at 5.30am and by 9am it was 12 degrees.
No school for Sam today as it is the sport carnival.
Tim arrived home at 10am, he is finished for the day as he has two appointments this afternoon, one with the physio and one with our GP.
By midday the temp was 18 degrees.
Tim got an email from the Uni about something I didn’t understand, and I thought but didn’t say maybe someone in security may know, it wasn’t till Tim went over to speak to Jess that my brain woke up, Jess is a security guard at the Uni and yes, she understood the email and explained it. It is an app he needs to download and use every time he goes there. It is to prove he has a right to be on the property he must sign in and out again each visit.
A bloody cold start to the day, with a temp of only 7 degrees, slept well woke twice to pee and settle again easily.
Tim said he will be home at 9am and he has yet another medical appointment.
By 8am it was still only 10 degrees.
Sandy rang her car had broken down and she was looking to borrow ours, but Tim is working and has the car.
By midday it was 18 degrees and by 1p it was a nice warm 21 degrees.
I have cleaned the front and back sliding doors, not a professional looking job but good enough.
Another good night we have a temp of 6 degrees at 5.30am.
I bought a new black long sleeve singlet size 18 and this morning when I put it on it felt tight around the upper arms I am hoping after a bit it will feel ok.
By 9am it was 12 degrees, by midday it was a warm 23 degrees.
Sue took me for my eye check-up only got the reminder back in February, I can be slack at times doing stuff.
Sue rang to tell me that she appreciates how I am trying to understand her condition and how I am writing about it so others in the family can read about it if they want to and I hope they are. The family needs to try and understand that this is a real and serious condition, this isn’t something she has chosen to have. It did make me feel good to know she appreciates my efforts.
Up before the alarm this morning as I woke up at 4.50am and just got up, it isn’t as cold this morning with a temp of 14 degrees at 5.30am. There is the feel of rain in the air.
By midday it was 19 degrees, I had a lovely visit from Kelli and the kids, it was awesome seeing them. They were here 30-45 minutes. She also dropped off the wheelchair.
Sue rang me at 2pm and asked me something, I do not remember what and it was only 30 minutes ago, I mentioned that Kelli called in to drop off the wheelchair, she asked how they were I said fine didn’t go into any details though.
Got a message from Aus Post saying our parcel is in one of the parcel lockers. This is good, it means we can pick it up over the weekend.
It is the 1 June, and it is raining but it’s not cold in fact I didn’t need the heater on when I had my morning wash.
It was 5 degrees at 5.30am and only got to 14 degrees during the day.
The Pride Parade Sam wanted to attend has been postponed due to the rain.
Kathy rang and we had a good chat, Sydney told me about something that happened at school. Right at this time I cannot remember exactly what was said, I know it was a group thing and Sydney’s group came first. While on the phone I got a phone call from Sandy asking if Tim could pick Sue up at the Marter, she had another self-harm incident. He went and picked her up.
When I mentioned it to Sam as she asked where Papa was, she was wonderful, giving me a big hug and I told her Sue is the one with BPD and she asked if I understood what that meant. We then had a 15-minute talk about the condition and how hard it is to manage and live with. Sam was amazing.
Jo-AnneRamplings 