Well the time has arrived, today the Christmas toy sale catalogue arrived from Big W this is the big toy sale of the year with no deposit layby and pick up as late as Christmas Eve so it is a good layby to have. I am a big fan of layby always have been although my daughter Jessica says she can’t see the point she would just rather save the money then go and buy all the toys at once I would rather layby and pay it off if by some chance I layby something that by the end of the year I no longer thing the child I bought it for would still like the toy I can take that toy back and get a refund and get them something different.

Kelli is like me she loves layby and like me she feels that if she picks something that is no longer appropriate by the end of the year she just returns it and gets something different.

When I was younger and had three young daughters to buy for and little money I relied of layby to get stuff and to be able to spoil my girls at Christmas time, I have always been a giver just like my mum, I have found memories of my parents spoiling us as children at Christmas time. I now love to spoil not only my daughters but also my grandchildren and other members of my family.

So how do you get your Christmas presents do you go and buy outright or do you use layby, do your prefer to pay cash or do you get presents on credit cards. I have never used a credit card to get presents I do not like the idea of spending a year or more paying off a credit card which is why I prefer to use layby.

Hello everyone, it is Wednesday here in my part of the world and for the second week I have Summer for the day while Kathy is at work, at the moment I have both Summer and Daemon, Kelli & Jess left Daemon here so Summer would have someone to play with and guess what Summer fell asleep within minutes of them leaving, she is now asleep on the floor near me and Daemon is busy watching telly.

So today I have another question for you, have you ever smoked or do you smoke now?

I am a non-smoker and will usually say I have never smoked but that isn’t the whole truth when I was a teenager I gave it a try but never really took to it, when I meet Tim I was still smoking at times when we went out but that only lasted a couple of weeks and I stopped completely and have never had any interest in doing it again.

I have three daughters and only one of them is a smoker, of course that would be Natasha my wild child although she did stop when she was pregnant with Blain but took it up again not long after he was born. You would think if one hadn’t smoked for 8 months they would not want to take it up again but not the case. My sister in-law also stopped smoking when she was pregnant but took it up again after she had my niece and my sister Sandra smoked during her pregnancy with Denni but not when she had Temika if I remember rightly.

Tim is a smoker but he has not smoked in this house ever, although I think when we lived at Gateshead he might have smoked in the flat, I don’t really remember it was so long ago. We have lived her for 26 yrs and I know he hasn’t smoked in this house, ok hang on that is not completely true he has and still does smoke in the bathroom with the exhaust fan on when it is raining outside.

Now I have to say I am not one of those people who have a problem with smokers, it doesn’t bother me and I have been known to go outside and talk to those who are out there smoking.

I know some people worry about second hand smoke or what was that phrase that was bantered about years ago………….passive smoking that’s it. Yes I know breathing in other peoples smoke may not be good for me but there are many things that are not good for us and if we worry or stress over all of them we will have a sucky life.

It is illegal to smoke in a car with a child under the age of 16 here in New South Wales in Victoria it is under 18, I am not sure how I feel about that I guess it is good but hell 18 some 18yr olds are smokers anyway.

I guess it is time for another letter, so who to write to this time well since I have done my parents, sisters and daughters so I guess it is time for my brother David so here is goes

Dear Dave

You are my baby brother, but you tower over me not as much as you do Jeannie but still you do, you are mum’s favourite and everyone knows it and no none of us have a problem with that it is just the way it is and it has been like that since you were born.

You have always been a mummy’s boy and not ashamed to say it, as a child you were the most annoying child and would talk to me like I was trash at times and I often would think if you spoke to any other adult the way you spoke to me you would get into trouble but because I was your sister you got away with it.

Even now you seem to think because you are Dave you can get away with bloody murder but we love you and you are our baby brother so we just accept that it is like that.

I know you are there for me whenever I need you, not that I have needed you to have my back, I have Tim and he is always there for me more or less.

You have this cheeky grin that makes you adorable and forgivable, I knew when you were little you would be a heart breaker and I reckon you have managed to break a few hearts in your time.

I never thought you would be the awesome dad your are, I remember when Dawson was born I wondered how you would take to being a dad but you took to it like a duck to water and was an amazing dad, you still are which is why I think Liarna is a daddy’s girl. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised since you had a bloody marvellous teacher when it comes to how to be a dad……………

When you married Leigh you looked so bloody handsome and I was proud to be your sister, I still am proud to be your sister because you are a wonderful, loving and caring man. Like dad you are the type of man all men should strive to be, maybe that is one of the reasons we are not jealous of you being mums favourite.

You have this aura that radiates from deep inside that draws people to you, I love you bro or as Sandy would call you “bud” that is her name for you and it suits you.

Ok how slack am I when it comes to posting for some reason I am pretty slack but let’s all move on past that and onto another letter this one will be going out to my second sister Sue.

Dear Sue

Well you and I have not always been close, for many years I envied you and you despised me thankfully those days are gone and we are now pretty close. Why did I envy you, well you had something I always wanted, twins, of course I had no idea how much work it was to raise twins but that wasn’t the point I wanted to have twins and I didn’t you did.

I didn’t really like that you lived so far away either and I know you will say it isn’t that far but let’s be honest here sis it was, when you consider we all pretty much live within 20 minutes of each other you being what 40-50 minutes away was far away. It was because of the distance that we didn’t see you much and you rarely came to family functions, I don’t know why that was maybe you didn’t have the fuel or the time or maybe there was some other reason but it’s all water under the bridge now.

When you moved back to Newie and started living within the 20 minute range we started to see you more and you and I developed some kind of relationship. I think you realised how much I understood how difficult it could be raising somewhat hard to handle children, we may love our children but there is no escaping the fact that they could be difficult to handle at times. I also know what it is like to have a child you just clash with no matter how hard you try not to, you just rub each other the wrong way and sparks fly.

Now sis what does annoy me a lot is that you often think you are the black sheep of the family and that being so is in some way a bad thing, this makes me want to “Gibbs slap” you because even if you were the black sheep of the family that would not be a bad thing, it would only mean you are an individual but sis I don’t think you are.

Sometimes I think you are your own worst enemy by that I mean you get your life running smoothly and you do things to derail yourself, like now you have a car but for some bloody reason you have times when you talk about giving the car back and not having it because you think it keeps you tied to Garry. The only thing that keeps you tied to Garry is you; you are the one who chooses to have an on/off relationship with him.

I have worried about you more than you know, you have had to battle addictions in your life and that caused me a lot of worry but I never let one I couldn’t see the point and I had no advice to give so I said nothing and pretended I didn’t know that was wrong on my part. I have seen you pick one loser after another when it came to men and that upset me but it is your life so I said nothing.

Sometimes sis I think you are afraid to be alone, now I will not pretend to know what that is like since I have been with Tim for 30yrs and have no idea what it is like to be alone. That said I think you do not have a high opinion of yourself which is why you have a bad track record with men. You need to love who you are in order to choose the right partner for yourself and I don’t thank you do that, you choose men who make you feel good some of the time and rotten at other times. One thing I can say about Tim is that he has never made me feel like deserve to be treated badly or rotten in any way. Ok I can say a lot more about him but this letter isn’t about Tim it is about you.

Growing up we had a love/not love relationship notice I didn’t say hate well that is because I have never hated you I have not always loved how you acted but I have never hated you ever. Sometimes sis I have felt that you thought I had some kind of perfect life but I guess that is normal because I thought you had some kind of great life better than mine at times.

I love you sis and I want to see you happy, you are so blessed you have 4 wonderful children (I wanted more than 3 children) so another thing I am jealous of you have 5 beautiful grandchildren another thing I am jealous of (I want more than 4 grandchildren) siblings who not only love you but like you, the best parents ever, trust me I know this…………. they rock.

I have told you before and I will tell you again, you are one of the strongest most amazing women I know, you are a survivor, but you need to stop just surviving and start living your life and doing things that make you truly happy, if you are already doing so than that is great because you are an amazing woman who deserves the best in life.

I will now write a letter to my first sister the one closest to me in age, my sister Jeannie

Dear Jeannie

Well you are only 6 yrs younger than me and when our daughters where little we were very close, hanging out together once or twice a week. I would watch your girls if you needed me and you watched my girls in return and our daughters would often have sleep overs at each other houses.

As children we were not overly close as you had Sue who is only a year younger than you so it was natural for you to hang out with her but when we were in our 20’s Sue was living in Lemon Tree Passage which for all who do not know is 45minutes away and we didn’t see Sue very often for many years but this is not about Sue it is about you.

You always seemed to know what you wanted from life unlike me who has just drifted through life.

You know I always thought you were mum and dads favourite child when we were little but that may have been because you had so many serious asthma attacks and had to be rushed to hospital many times and so in my young eyes you got your own way so often and seemed to get away with things that I would get into trouble for.

I do at times miss how close we use to be but such is life, we both have so much going on in our lives that we don’t have the time for each other well it seems that way.

I do remember thinking when I was little that it sucked that you didn’t have magical powers like Jeannie from I dream of Jeannie.

I have been thinking about whom I would write a letter to next and decided it would be my “baby girl” my youngest sister Sandra so here it goes.

Dear Sandy

I remember the night you were born, I was at nan & pops place while mum was in hospital and dad called in on his way home from the hospital and told us that mum had a little girl and she was going to be named Sandra Mae, I had been asleep but when I heard dads voice I got up and walked out to the lounge room.

I wasn’t sure how I felt when dad told us about you I was excited and a bit I don’t what the right term would be I felt strange, I was 15 when you were born and I didn’t know how I was going to feel about having a baby in the house. However, it didn’t take long for me to fall in love with my baby sister, who I have thought of as my “baby girl” from pretty much day one.

I use to love to take you with me when I would walk around to the shops and when you were a toddler you would come and get into bed with me in the morning or sometimes during the night. I loved it when you climbed into bed with me and you would play with my hair if felt amazing and I thought I was so lucky to have this baby girl who I could pretend was my baby……………..lol

Now you were a bit of wild girl as a teenager and gave mum and dad some sleepless nights and caused them a fair bit of worry, but you turned out pretty great coming through those rough years strong and amazing. You are now the mother of two absolute adorable little girls of your own, I am sure you are hoping that they do not give you as much worry as you did when they are teenagers………….lol

I have always felt close to you because you are in many ways like my first girl, in fact even though I only have 3 daughters I have 5 girls starting with you and ending with Kelli.

I love you sis, I love the woman you grew into and the mother you became but then we both had a pretty amazing teacher when it comes to motherhood.

You were always dad’s favourite and you were pop’s favourite as well, hell I think you are still dad’s favourite. I am not mum but like mum I will always be here for you because you will always be special to me, you’re my “baby girl” and I love you so much.

Above photos of your girls Denni & Temika aren’t they beautiful like their mummy.

Well I am now done with letters to my daughters so I will move onto the girl I call my sweetheart.

Dear Kelli

You are not my daughter, you are my niece but I love you like a daughter, since you have been living here with me and uncle Tim I have discovered how much we have in common and I love it just like I love you.

You may be my sister’s daughter but in my heart you are my youngest girl, my sweetheart. Damn you have grown into an amazing woman; you are a bloody fantastic mother and an even better cook.

It seems like only yesterday that you got your first tattoo and your mum went mad at me for not trying to talk you out of getting it and for saying it looked cool, however, I felt at the time you didn’t need to have me come down on you as Sue was doing that. Mothers are the one to read the child the riot act; aunties are the ones to offer support and understanding.

I know at some point you will find a place of your own to rent again and move out but I am not looking forward to that day, I know it has to happen but I have had a taste of what it is like not having you here when you went to stay at your mums place for a month while she was in Queensland and I missed you so much.

Even Uncle Tim said that the house seemed so quiet without you and Daemon here.

I worry that once you move out we will lose the close bond we have formed while you have been living here, I will also miss Daemon so much. You have the kindest heart and I know are there for me, on the weekend when I had a turn while out walking I knew you would come and fetch me which is why I asked mum/nanna to ring you because I knew I could count on you.

The love I feel for you is the same as the love I have for my daughters I know your Aunty Sandra doesn’t get that I love you like a daughter or that I worry about losing something from our relationship when you move, I guess I worry that it will be out of sight out of mind. Yeah I know I am being a worry wart but you know I am a worry wart at times.

I love you Kelli and I want to thank you for being such a bloody marvellous woman a wonderful and loving mother to Daemon, I am proud of you just like I know your mother and father are……………..ok maybe a little more……………lol

Well the time has come for me to write a letter to my youngest daughter Jessica aka……………..my special girl………………..

Dear Jessica

Of all my daughters you are the one most like me, you are the one I nagged your dad to have, you are the one I often feel closest too. When you were born I remember counting your fingers and toes and thinking you were so beautiful, it wasn’t till later in the morning (you were born around 4am) when I went into the nursery to see you and feed you that I was told the doctor wanted to talk to me about your arm. I thought what about her arm I had no idea what they were talking about and when I saw what they were talking about I wondered how did I not notice when you were born.

You were born with a birth mark that ran down your left arm, but it meant nothing to me and I tried to instil in you that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed about it was just part of you, it wasn’t till you were in your teens that the doctor suggested doing something to remove the puffiness as he was worried it would interfere with your development of breasts.

You may not know that I was very very worried about you having surgery to remove it but I did try not to show it.

It wasn’t the first time you had surgery as you had to have surgery when you split your head open riding a pee wee 50 through a fence with no helmet. However all in all you didn’t cause me much worry as a child, you were not perfect and you did get into trouble and do things you shouldn’t have, such as throwing a brick at one of the neighbour’s son and missing him and smashing the windscreen on our car. You were there when Natasha broke the toilet at school, and you were the one who got pissed off and grapped a knife and stormed outside to “teach the little bastard a lesson” your words not mine.

You may not know this but I always thought you would have a baby by……………………..Leo’s father………………from the time I met him, I don’t know why I thought that I just did and well I was right. Although for the love of me I do not understand why you were nervous about telling me you were pregnant, hell what did you think I would say. I was over the moon at the thought of having a second grandchild.

You use to clash with your dad a lot, part of this was because I felt he couldn’t see you as an adult and still treated you like a child and of course you didn’t like that. I am glad thought that you and him get along better now that you don’t live in the same house as he does. Your dad is very proud of you; I think you know that I am sure you know that I am proud of you.

Yes I would love to have more grandchildren and yes I will joke about it but if you only have the one child that is fine with me, I want you to be happy, that is the most important thing to me but as mother yourself you will understand that.

The time has come to write a letter to my second daughter……….aka………..my darling daughter Natasha

Dear Tasha

Hello my darling daughter, you are the child Tim wanted when Kathy-Lee was around a year old your dad decided he wanted another child and nagged me till I agreed, as a child you were so much a daddy’s girl as far as dad was concerned you could do no wrong.

You were always a bit of a wild child, doing what you want no matter what. Your first day of school you came home with blood on you uniform and when I asked what happened you said a boy was mean so you punched him………………….lol

While in primary you managed to break a toilet by standing on it and talking to your sister and cousin, you and Samantha managed to get into trouble without even trying……………lol

Than before we knew it you were a teenager and the trouble really started, you were a rebel and wild child staying out at night for all hours no matter what your dad and I did. I had many sleepless nights worrying where you were and what you were doing only going to sleep when you were home safe. You spent a lot of time with Samantha as a teenagers and I feel at times you were both bad for each other and wonder if you two didn’t spend so much time together would you have got into so much trouble.

I was so worried about you that at one point I feared for your life and lay in bed and prayed for someone to come into your life to get you away from those you were running around with. My prayers were answered and you did escape those who I felt were not good for you.

Some people may find it strange that I and your dad prayed for you to have a baby, we both thought if you had a baby you would settle down and that is exactly what happened when you became pregnant with Blain our first wonderful grandson.

You have not had the best taste in men, being with a few wastes of space guys over the years, but up until this year I have never ever said anything about them as they were who you chose to be with and if you are happy then I am happy. I, however, wonder if Jerry makes you really happy at times you don’t seem to be that happy with him. Also the fact that Blain doesn’t like him causes me concern, that said if you are really happy with him and if you and Blain can work something out regarding Jerry then I am happy for you. What I want most is for you to be happy and in love with someone who treats you well.

I hope you know that I am proud of the woman you have grown into and think you are a loving mother and sister.

Ok now I have run out of grandparents and parents to write to so I will now start on my daughters should I start with Kathy and go from first to last or maybe I should go from last to first, let me think……………………..

Ok I will start with Kathy-Lee

Dear Precious

You are my precious first born daughter the child both me and daddy wanted to have, I remember how excited I felt when I knew I was expecting a baby I could barely weight for you to come into the world. I remember when you were first born how your daddy held you in his arms and you looked into his eyes for the longest time, mummy slept after you were born as she was exhausted, you know after 11 hours of labour I was fed up and wanted to go home and not bother having you…………….lol

We chose your name long before you were born or even before we knew you were a little girl, we never even thought of a boy name it was just like we knew you would be a girl, your initials spell our KLAM daddy has always said you were his pearl that is found in a clam.

As a baby you were not the easiest baby, you cried a lot and I was convinced you hated me because you would settle for your dad or your nanna but not for me. The day we came home from hospital I rang nanna crying because you would not stop crying and daddy and I jumped in the car and went over to nanna’s house and as soon as she picked you up you stopped crying. I knew then you hated me…………………lol

I started you on Farex http://www.farex.com.au/ when you were only 6 weeks old because you would not settle, of course I never told the doctor or baby nurse this because they would have had a fit but it worked and you would feed and settle for a normal amount of time.

As a toddler and child you were always a headstrong, independent, stubborn child and from the earliest age I felt like you didn’t need me and have often felt that nothing I did was good enough, yes I still often feel like I fail you or let you down in some way.

My love for you is overflowing but there are times when I feel like it is not enough and no matter how much I love you or give you it will never be enough. That said I am here for you and always will be, I don’t mind if you feel you need to ring and vent to someone that is what mums are for, I will listen and I will not judge sometimes I might not say much but that is because I don’t know what to say that would make you feel better so instead I just listen.

I know you feel like I forced you out of home when you moved out for the first time, this wasn’t the case I was helping you, you wanted to move but was naturally a little scared of doing so, so being mum I helped and yes I know that you would get lonely at times living on your own but I also feel that most of the time you were happier as you and I would clash something terrible when you lived at home. Some people just can’t live together and that is you and me, I have never, not wanted you around but I think we are better when we don’t live under the same roof.

I want you to know that I am proud of the woman you have grown into you are a strong, independent woman who can look after herself and what a wonderful mother you are, you are so hands on always playing with the girls and doing things with them they are lucky to have such a wonderful mother.

I hope Michael knows how lucky he is to have such a wonderful, loving and caring woman in his life.

I love you my precious daughter and mummy is proud of you and I hope you never forget that