Well I am now done with letters to my daughters so I will move onto the girl I call my sweetheart.

Dear Kelli

You are not my daughter, you are my niece but I love you like a daughter, since you have been living here with me and uncle Tim I have discovered how much we have in common and I love it just like I love you.

You may be my sister’s daughter but in my heart you are my youngest girl, my sweetheart. Damn you have grown into an amazing woman; you are a bloody fantastic mother and an even better cook.

It seems like only yesterday that you got your first tattoo and your mum went mad at me for not trying to talk you out of getting it and for saying it looked cool, however, I felt at the time you didn’t need to have me come down on you as Sue was doing that. Mothers are the one to read the child the riot act; aunties are the ones to offer support and understanding.

I know at some point you will find a place of your own to rent again and move out but I am not looking forward to that day, I know it has to happen but I have had a taste of what it is like not having you here when you went to stay at your mums place for a month while she was in Queensland and I missed you so much.

Even Uncle Tim said that the house seemed so quiet without you and Daemon here.

I worry that once you move out we will lose the close bond we have formed while you have been living here, I will also miss Daemon so much. You have the kindest heart and I know are there for me, on the weekend when I had a turn while out walking I knew you would come and fetch me which is why I asked mum/nanna to ring you because I knew I could count on you.

The love I feel for you is the same as the love I have for my daughters I know your Aunty Sandra doesn’t get that I love you like a daughter or that I worry about losing something from our relationship when you move, I guess I worry that it will be out of sight out of mind. Yeah I know I am being a worry wart but you know I am a worry wart at times.

I love you Kelli and I want to thank you for being such a bloody marvellous woman a wonderful and loving mother to Daemon, I am proud of you just like I know your mother and father are……………..ok maybe a little more……………lol

Well the time has come for me to write a letter to my youngest daughter Jessica aka……………..my special girl………………..

Dear Jessica

Of all my daughters you are the one most like me, you are the one I nagged your dad to have, you are the one I often feel closest too. When you were born I remember counting your fingers and toes and thinking you were so beautiful, it wasn’t till later in the morning (you were born around 4am) when I went into the nursery to see you and feed you that I was told the doctor wanted to talk to me about your arm. I thought what about her arm I had no idea what they were talking about and when I saw what they were talking about I wondered how did I not notice when you were born.

You were born with a birth mark that ran down your left arm, but it meant nothing to me and I tried to instil in you that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed about it was just part of you, it wasn’t till you were in your teens that the doctor suggested doing something to remove the puffiness as he was worried it would interfere with your development of breasts.

You may not know that I was very very worried about you having surgery to remove it but I did try not to show it.

It wasn’t the first time you had surgery as you had to have surgery when you split your head open riding a pee wee 50 through a fence with no helmet. However all in all you didn’t cause me much worry as a child, you were not perfect and you did get into trouble and do things you shouldn’t have, such as throwing a brick at one of the neighbour’s son and missing him and smashing the windscreen on our car. You were there when Natasha broke the toilet at school, and you were the one who got pissed off and grapped a knife and stormed outside to “teach the little bastard a lesson” your words not mine.

You may not know this but I always thought you would have a baby by……………………..Leo’s father………………from the time I met him, I don’t know why I thought that I just did and well I was right. Although for the love of me I do not understand why you were nervous about telling me you were pregnant, hell what did you think I would say. I was over the moon at the thought of having a second grandchild.

You use to clash with your dad a lot, part of this was because I felt he couldn’t see you as an adult and still treated you like a child and of course you didn’t like that. I am glad thought that you and him get along better now that you don’t live in the same house as he does. Your dad is very proud of you; I think you know that I am sure you know that I am proud of you.

Yes I would love to have more grandchildren and yes I will joke about it but if you only have the one child that is fine with me, I want you to be happy, that is the most important thing to me but as mother yourself you will understand that.

The time has come to write a letter to my second daughter……….aka………..my darling daughter Natasha

Dear Tasha

Hello my darling daughter, you are the child Tim wanted when Kathy-Lee was around a year old your dad decided he wanted another child and nagged me till I agreed, as a child you were so much a daddy’s girl as far as dad was concerned you could do no wrong.

You were always a bit of a wild child, doing what you want no matter what. Your first day of school you came home with blood on you uniform and when I asked what happened you said a boy was mean so you punched him………………….lol

While in primary you managed to break a toilet by standing on it and talking to your sister and cousin, you and Samantha managed to get into trouble without even trying……………lol

Than before we knew it you were a teenager and the trouble really started, you were a rebel and wild child staying out at night for all hours no matter what your dad and I did. I had many sleepless nights worrying where you were and what you were doing only going to sleep when you were home safe. You spent a lot of time with Samantha as a teenagers and I feel at times you were both bad for each other and wonder if you two didn’t spend so much time together would you have got into so much trouble.

I was so worried about you that at one point I feared for your life and lay in bed and prayed for someone to come into your life to get you away from those you were running around with. My prayers were answered and you did escape those who I felt were not good for you.

Some people may find it strange that I and your dad prayed for you to have a baby, we both thought if you had a baby you would settle down and that is exactly what happened when you became pregnant with Blain our first wonderful grandson.

You have not had the best taste in men, being with a few wastes of space guys over the years, but up until this year I have never ever said anything about them as they were who you chose to be with and if you are happy then I am happy. I, however, wonder if Jerry makes you really happy at times you don’t seem to be that happy with him. Also the fact that Blain doesn’t like him causes me concern, that said if you are really happy with him and if you and Blain can work something out regarding Jerry then I am happy for you. What I want most is for you to be happy and in love with someone who treats you well.

I hope you know that I am proud of the woman you have grown into and think you are a loving mother and sister.

Ok now I have run out of grandparents and parents to write to so I will now start on my daughters should I start with Kathy and go from first to last or maybe I should go from last to first, let me think……………………..

Ok I will start with Kathy-Lee

Dear Precious

You are my precious first born daughter the child both me and daddy wanted to have, I remember how excited I felt when I knew I was expecting a baby I could barely weight for you to come into the world. I remember when you were first born how your daddy held you in his arms and you looked into his eyes for the longest time, mummy slept after you were born as she was exhausted, you know after 11 hours of labour I was fed up and wanted to go home and not bother having you…………….lol

We chose your name long before you were born or even before we knew you were a little girl, we never even thought of a boy name it was just like we knew you would be a girl, your initials spell our KLAM daddy has always said you were his pearl that is found in a clam.

As a baby you were not the easiest baby, you cried a lot and I was convinced you hated me because you would settle for your dad or your nanna but not for me. The day we came home from hospital I rang nanna crying because you would not stop crying and daddy and I jumped in the car and went over to nanna’s house and as soon as she picked you up you stopped crying. I knew then you hated me…………………lol

I started you on Farex http://www.farex.com.au/ when you were only 6 weeks old because you would not settle, of course I never told the doctor or baby nurse this because they would have had a fit but it worked and you would feed and settle for a normal amount of time.

As a toddler and child you were always a headstrong, independent, stubborn child and from the earliest age I felt like you didn’t need me and have often felt that nothing I did was good enough, yes I still often feel like I fail you or let you down in some way.

My love for you is overflowing but there are times when I feel like it is not enough and no matter how much I love you or give you it will never be enough. That said I am here for you and always will be, I don’t mind if you feel you need to ring and vent to someone that is what mums are for, I will listen and I will not judge sometimes I might not say much but that is because I don’t know what to say that would make you feel better so instead I just listen.

I know you feel like I forced you out of home when you moved out for the first time, this wasn’t the case I was helping you, you wanted to move but was naturally a little scared of doing so, so being mum I helped and yes I know that you would get lonely at times living on your own but I also feel that most of the time you were happier as you and I would clash something terrible when you lived at home. Some people just can’t live together and that is you and me, I have never, not wanted you around but I think we are better when we don’t live under the same roof.

I want you to know that I am proud of the woman you have grown into you are a strong, independent woman who can look after herself and what a wonderful mother you are, you are so hands on always playing with the girls and doing things with them they are lucky to have such a wonderful mother.

I hope Michael knows how lucky he is to have such a wonderful, loving and caring woman in his life.

I love you my precious daughter and mummy is proud of you and I hope you never forget that

 

Look at my poor arm, it is so sore I am applying Aloe Vera Gel to the arm to try and help it heal but after I apply it the arm is even more sore.

Now I know you are all wondering what on earth I did to it, well I had it covered with band aid for about 4 days because of a couple of small sores on the arm and on Thursday it started leaking goo. I removed the band aid and it looked like it does and was as sore as all hell.

Some have said I might be allergic to the band aid, others have said I left it on too long and that is what caused it, whichever I don’t know. All I do know is it looks terrible and is as sore as………………..

Yes the time has come for another letter, I know some of you might be thinking when will she run out of family to write to, well let me tell you no time soon…………….lol

Anyway next up is my dad’s mum Enid so here it is……………..

Dear Enid

You were known to many in the family as “big nan” as your mum was known as “little nan” but I don’t remember ever calling you that, however, we didn’t have a real close relationship this I feel had a lot to do with the fact you lived in Sydney and back when I was a child the trip to Sydney took 4 hours not like today when you can be there in 2-3 hours. We didn’t make the trip to Sydney very often so dad’s children didn’t see you very often.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have any memories of you, I do, in fact I have one that took place when I was a child and I was staying at your place and my cousin Tracy who was a few years younger than me and we went out to some amusement park and Tracy and I rode in the back of a ute, I don’t remember much but I do remember that.

You passed away 14 years ago and none of dad’s children attended your funeral at the time I know it didn’t bother dad that we didn’t go but afterwards it did, he regrets telling us we didn’t need to go. I would have attended if dad had said he wanted me to as there is very little I wouldn’t do to make dad happy but I didn’t know you well enough to be that upset by your passing.

You always seemed closer to Aunty Pat or Aunty Denise’s children maybe they saw you more often, I think they did but you were also closer to Aunty Pat and Aunty Denise and of course Aunty Vicky then you were to dad.

I can’t say what type of person you were since I didn’t know you well enough although I will never understand how a mother can abandon their child and I do feel you abandoned dad leaving him when he was only 8 years old to be raised by his aunt and uncle although I do think Tom was around a bit more then you.

I would like to be able to say you made mistakes and I will not judge you for them as I am not a judgemental person but hell yes I do judge you I can’t help myself I just do when it comes to how I feel my dad was treated, I would like to say I am sure you loved your children but I can’t I don’t know that.

Maybe when we are both in heaven I will get to know you better and feel differently about you but for now you were my grandmother and I am sure you loved your grandchildren what grandparent doesn’t love their grandchildren but I do not and have never felt a close connection to you.

It was dawn on the 25^th April 1915 that Australian and New Zealand soldiers landed at Gallipoli in Turkey, their aim was to take the peninsula this didn’t happen and the whole thing was a failure with casualties around 2000, it is believe that somewhere between 650-1000 Anzac die on that first day of the whole Gallipoli campaign.

The whole Gallipoli operation, however, cost 26,111 Australian casualties, including 8,141 deaths.

The date 25 April was officially named Anzac Day in 1916; in that year it was marked by a wide variety of ceremonies and services in Australia and New Zealand, including a commemorative march through London involving Australian and New Zealand troops.

The place where the troops landed on that day so long ago is now known as Anzac Cove, on Anzac Day1985, the name “Anzac Cove” was officially recognised by the Turkish government.

The cove is a mere 600 metres (2,000ft) long, bounded by the headlands of Ariburnu
to the north and Little Ariburnu, known as Hell Spit, to the south. Following the landing at Anzac Cove, the beach became the main base for the Australian
and New Zealand troops for the eight months of the Gallipoli campaign.

After the First World War, returned soldiers sought the comradeship they felt in those quiet, peaceful moments before dawn. With symbolic links to the dawn landing at Gallipoli, a dawn stand-to or dawn ceremony became a common form of Anzac Day remembrance during the 1920s.

The first official dawn service was held at the Sydney Cenotaph in 1927, dawn services were originally very simple and followed the operational ritual; in many cases they were restricted to veterans only. The daytime ceremony was for families and other well-wishers and the dawn service was for returned soldiers to remember and reflect among the comrades with whom they shared a special bond.

In the 1970’s and 80’s the popularity of Anzac Day seemed to be flaying but from about the late 1980s, there was an international resurgence of interest in World War I and its commemorations. Anzac Day attendances rose in Australia and New Zealand, with young people taking a particular interest. Now days thousands flock to Anzac Cove to pay tribute to those who have died not just in the First World War but all wars.

As a child I remember being at my grandparents place and watching the Anzac march with my pop, he would get really quiet at times and look sad but as I was a child I didn’t understand why he was like that. I didn’t think about the fact that he served in the Second World War and I didn’t know he was a prisoner of war.

They shall grow not old,
as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them,
nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun
and in the morning
We will remember them.

Lest we forget

 

 

 

 

 

This letter might have a different feel/sound to it; it is too my paternal grandfather Tom also known as Poppy Jenkins in the family. So here it goes

Dear Tom

Growing up you were always Poppy Jenkins but as an adult I have thought of you more as “Tom” that is because I do not feel a close bond with you, this I feel is because on more than on occasion you told me that I wasn’t as good a daughter as my sister Sue. Looking back I can’t help but feel that I was a failure in your eyes and that you didn’t love me as much as you did my siblings, maybe that is not true but it is how I feel and that is not something that can be changed.

I remember when mum & dad gave me my first typewriter you said why “would they give you that you will use it once or twice and toss it aside”, well I loved that typewriter and used it till I upgraded to an electric on, when they gave me a bike you said “you will not ride that” I rode it a lot.

When Sue took part in the 40hr famine you said to me “she is a good girl for doing that, unlike you” yes you said that and there was another time Sue did something and you said to me “she is such a good girl not like you”.

Knowing you I know you most likely meant nothing by it, it was just your way and you would say things without thinking of how they would affect a child but I still get upset by these statements.

I know that you liked to spend time with our family, as you would come to stay for a couple of weeks and you would be there for 2 or 3 months, however, when you would go and stay at your other children’s homes you would only stay a week or two. This is because you felt our place was a home, it was loud and messy but it felt like a home should feel, I know my Aunty Pat’s house was not like that and I think Aunty Denise’s home was the same.

I don’t think you knew what a close knit loving family was until dad married mum and became part of such a family, I know I am lucky that my dad is such a wonderful man, so loving and so caring and not afraid to show his love to his children. I never got that feeling from you, you always had a distance between yourself and the rest of us well to me you did.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that you only had once sibling your sister Joyce but you did have 8 children of which my dad is the second eldest. Anyway you passed away in 1991 at the age of 74 and I did go to your funeral and I think I even cried a bit because I did feel sad about your death, you were around in my life a lot when I was growing up and that is a good thing being part of one’s life does create some kind of bond.

After nanna comes pop, so here is my letter to my pop

Dear Poppy

Yes you are poppy sometimes I would call you pop but often it was poppy and I remember you saying that you would follow nanna anywhere and you use to joke that she was the boss and you just did as you were told………….lol

You know pop you had the strangest sense of humour and it was often hard to tell if you were joking or not, but you were also very loving and there was never any doubt that you loved nanna.

It was hard for all us when in the 90’s you for reasons not know by anyone including yourself I think that you distanced yourself from the rest of the family and wanted nothing to do with us, those were hard years for all of us who loved you, but mostly for my mum, yes I was angry with you for hurting her like you did but in the end I don’t think you remembered those years.

I know that during your last months you were happy to see us and by us I mean me and mum, it was me and mum who would visit you in the hospital and then the nursing home and I know you are still hanging around the nursing home waiting for nanna to pass over and be with you.

You loved and cared for nanna so much that you didn’t want her to go into a nursing home and in fact you cared for her at home right up till you had to go into hospital yourself, I know that uncle Frank didn’t realise how hard it was to care for nanna till after you went into hospital and he tried to do it in your place. It was so hard that he decided it would be better for nanna to go into a nursing home, I do not think this would had made you happy but there was nothing to be done about it you were no longer able to care for her.

I know that after you passed away you would still play with the little ones Sydney-May and Temika at the nursing home when we went to visit nanna, as both Sydney-May and Temika told us you did and they were too young to remember you when you passed away being only 11 months old both of them.

Pop you are still very much missed and both me and mum think about you often, and even though some people do not think nanna knows you are gone me and mum do not agree as when we have been there we have talked about you nanna will have a tear roll down her face so as if the thought of you not being with her is upsetting.

Dear Nanna

Words cannot really explain how much I love you, how special our relationship was when I was growing up and when I became a mother myself. I spent some of the happiest times as a child in your house with you and pop, you always made me feel like I was your favourite grandchild even though you loved all your grandchildren the same. The years I went in to help you clean the office building and the dentist surgery were great I loved that I was the one who got to go with you.

This photo was taken in 1989 at my nan’s house Christmas Day.

Christmas was a special time and I loved so much that we went to your house for Christmas lunch because you could feel the love when one walked into the house, and you could smell the food and nanna you were the best cook. I remember Tim’s first Christmas with the family he couldn’t get over how many people there was at your place for lunch and how much food there was.

Now that you are older and frail and in a nursing home I still love to see you in my eyes you still look like the wonderful woman in the above photo even though the top photo is more what you look like now, it isn’t how I see you. When you speak which is not often it still warms my heart and takes me back to my younger days, nanna you will always be so special to me and I know there are some who might think you would be better off with God but I don’t want to lose you I love you so much and going to visit you brings joy to my heart.