If you read these words how would you feel?

I’m pathetic, I have no job, no hope of getting a job and I need a job, I am barely scrapping by on what the government pays me now and that is going to be reduced next year by around $350 and I am terrified. I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking. I need a job and I am never going to get one. I don’t have resume, I don’t know how to write one and I don’t know how to do an interview. I don’t know how to do anything but stupid things that have no real world application. I’m pathetic………………….

I can’t stop thinking about this so I can’t sleep, I am so terrified I want to cry but I can’t cry because I am to tired too, every time I close my eyes I don’t know where I will be or what is going to happen to me in only a few months times.

To top it off I am a horrible mother to my son and I have no discipline and I can’t stick to my guns, even if I had them. I don’t know what I am doing, with anything. My life, his life, a job my house, my dogs, I am failing everywhere and I am Terrified and so tired but to terrified to sleep………….

This is a transcript of a couple of text messages I received this morning and I can tell you they left me so sad and feeling helpless, as a mother I want to be able to fix things and make my daughters feel safe and secure and well happy and protected and this makes me feel like I have failed. There is little to nothing I can do to make things better.

Well the time has arrived for me to decorate my house for the Christmas season, I do love this time of year, and love to have the house decorated. I don’t go overboard with the decorations, well I don’t think I do but Tim might think differently but he doesn’t say anything about the decorations he should know what I am like after 30 yrs together. In past years I would have Christmas decorations hanging on things around the rooms now I use the decorations that stick to the walls and windows a lot I prefer them now so much easier. I even decorate my car with those stickers that go on the windows.

Now you would think growing up in a house that has lots of Christmas decorations up, you would decorate your own home when you move out but I have three daughters and none of them have been big on decorating but they are getting better. I have told my girls you don’t have to do it for yourself do it for your child, as Christmas is all about children in my opinion but not just children there are adults like me who love Christmas as well.

When I have finished my decorations I will take photos and post them on my blogs like I did last year, and yeah I know I didn’t have this blog last year…………………

So here is the question for this post are you a Christmas decorator, or do you prefer to not have many or any decorations up at all, maybe you are not a Christian and don’t do Christmas I get that, I know we are all not Christians and there are religions that don’t do Christmas that is fine we are all different and all so alike at the same time.

For those who don’t know I recently had a birthday and turned 51, I went around telling people that I am now just over half a century old, I had a great birthday got some great presents, such as jewellery and clothes and flowers and a new tattoo……………see……………. it matches Jessica’s little hand on her right hand but mine is bigger and I added Leo to it……………..I love it……………

However this post isn’t really about my birthday it is more about birthdays in general, so here is my question how do you feel about birthdays?

Do you have a problem with telling people how old you are?

My nan wouldn’t tell anyone how old she was, she would say that you are only as old as you think you are and your age is just a number. I get that in my head I still feel 20-22 but I have no problem telling people I am 51.

I think I look my age, I don’t think I look younger than my age or older than my age I look like a 51yr old woman, I have no wrinkles but I do have grey hair which I dye so I do not feel older than I am. I am wearing a new dress in the above photo which was given to me by my niece Kelli for my birthday.

I know some people who look older than their age (my sister Sue), it is no fault of her own it is just the way it is it is a family joke that Sue looks older than she is, the same can be said for my sister Jeannie she thinks she looks older than she is too……………Sue is only 44 and Jeannie is 45.

Do you look forward to your birthday each year or have you reached an age where you are no longer interested in your birthday?

Do you think it is just another day and nothing to get excited about?

I love my birthday and get real excited about each every year, yes there may come a time when I don’t but then again maybe not, my dad is 71 and he still gets excited about his birthday. I feel our birthdays are special days and should be embraced and enjoyed.

 

 

When I saw this on Facebook I though oh so true, I know without my kids my life would feel empty. Everyone knows my family are so important to me and that my life revolves around my family.

I could leave this post at that but that would be boring and I don’t do boring, well I try not to do boring, I hope I don’t do boring…………………ok Jo-Anne get to the point…………….lol

If a person doesn’t have children is their lives any less full, any less exciting, or any less stressful.

I think not, their lives are just different from mine they have different stressing in life and different things that make their lives full and exciting.

I don’t understand why people have to be so bloody judgemental of those who do not have children, why do some people feel that the reason they don’t have children is because they can’t have children, maybe they have decided not to have children and if that is the case then so be it as long as they are happy with their decision no one else has the right to tell them they are missing out.

Maybe they don’t feel they are missing out, maybe they are happy with being just a couple of a single person without any attachments.

Children are not for everyone one, not every single woman on the planet wants to be a mother nor does every single man wants to be a father.

Hi there everyone, now that sounds like someone from the “Simpsons” TV show………………………lol

Anyway I have not dropped off the face of the earth; I have just gone to Queensland instead, why you ask well for a short break away also to visit family, Tim’s cousin Christine who he hadn’t seen in close to 30yrs and our nieces Kirsty and Kelli and nephew Daemon. Now all them have been seen we are on the way home, should be home sometime tomorrow, have to be home by Wednesday for Tim to go to work and me to watch baby Summer.

The trip away has been relaxing and tense in parts, tense because of no real reason it is just that as I get tired and get headachy I get tense and bit short tempered. I had wanted to do a few things in Brisbane like visit a couple of museums but by the time we got to Brisbane everything was closed and so we pushed on to the Gold Coast which is where we spent last night.

The caravan parks we have stayed in have been nice but this one has a rundown feel to it and was the most expensive of the lot so far, the only good thing about it was that KFC was right across the road so that is what we had for tea last night.

We had a little excitement the motor home stopped on the motorway on our way to the Gold Coast it looked like we would have to call road side assistance and be towed but after Tim spent about half an hour trying to find out who to ring he finally told me to turn the motor home right off as in shut down the GPS but instead I tried it and it kicked over.

Sometimes I think it would be col if I could sit at the computer and type a question and have the true answer just appear, then I could either hit delete or save if I save then I will remember the answer if I delete I will forget the answer after 24hrs.

Now you maybe wondering what type of questions I would ask well one would be what really happened to Howard Holt, the 17^th Prime Minister who disappeared while swimming in 1967.

However I would also like to know things like how many grandchildren I will have, will I ever be slimmer again. And of course what do certain people really think of me these types of things would interest me.

What about you what type of questions would you ask…………..

 

When I read this it made me think of my sister Sue, who I have written about before but since it is her birthday today, she is turning 44 I thought I would write about her again.

Sue seems to me to worry about what others think of her and her decisions in life more then what is good for one. On our journey thru life we all will have times when we will wonder what others think that is normal but with Sue she seems to at times really feel she needs the approval of others in order to be happy.

She will at times dwell on the past, worrying about past mistakes, worrying she will make the same mistake again all this has done is make her look older then her years.

As I have mentioned before I am not a worrier, I like that my parents love Tim like he is a son but if any member of my family was to have a problem with him then it would be their problem it would in no way change how I feel about him or them. Yes you read that right it would not change how I feel about them because they are allowed to have their own opinion about things including Tim. Maybe this is because I know my husband better then anyone else and I love him heaps more then words can express.

But this post is about Sue not me so let’s go back to her, as I have may have mentioned she is a bloody strong woman because she hasn’t had the easiest life and yeah most of the mistakes she made herself but that doesn’t change the fact that her life has been hardish.

Sometimes she has implied she is not happy with her life but there is nothing anyone else can do about that, she has times when she feels why do I bother to get out of bed. I can’t say I really understand, it is like I do understand but I don’t because I don’t have time to stay in bed. I have children and grandchildren who need me to do stuff for them along with all my online friends.

I do feel at times that if she was to get up and dressed and did stuff she might feel happier, ok I get that she has no car but she does have working legs so she can get around maybe if she was to get up and help mum with the housework every day she wouldn’t feel so down and miserable all the time.

I feel like can be to short too be miserable so get up, dress and do stuff………

Sue has 4 wonderful children and 4 wonderful grandchildren and she always says she misses them and doesn’t see them enough but sometimes sis you have to make an effort to see them.

 

Are you a worrier?

Do you lay awake at night worrying over things that have happened during the day?

I am not a worrier, I can’t see the point in it, I have never laid awake worrying about things I have no control over, hell I don’t even worry about things I do have control over. At the end of the day I go to bed and I leave my worries out in the lounge room.

Worrying will not change anything so I try not to do it, of course I do worry about my children but not unduly, I have raised them to the best of my ability and now I can only trust that I have in fact done a good job and they will continue to make wise decisions.

I also worry about my niece Kelli and great nephew Daemon not having a proper home, but there is nothing I can do to change it, so I do not spend my nights worrying about them.

I do pray and ask God to watch over them and keep the safe and to give the guidance as they face each day. 

Life is to be lived and enjoyed and worrying over things that a person is unable to change or do anything about is silly, trust in God to guide you and your love ones down the right path in life.

Well that is what I do.

 

Do you believe in guardian angels?

Do you believe in angels in general?

I do, I don’t know why I do, I just do, I believe someone is watching over me trying to protect me from myself and from other things not good for me.  I say tying to protect me since I think it is impossible to fully protect someone from themself. God gave us freewill and in doing so to away the ability to fully protect us, but he has assigned each and every person a guardian angel.

I believe our guardian angels are with us when our time on earth comes to an end, they are with us when we are suffering and try to guide us and point us in the right direction if only we would listen.

So many people do not listen, they don’t believe in not believing they find it hard to hear what their guardian angel is trying to tell them.

When we pray the answer to our pray may come via our guardian angel.  

Yes we have a birthday in the family my sister Sandra who I often call my baby girl is turning 36 tomorrow, were has the time gone. I can remember my dad turning up at my grandparents place around midnight 36 years ago to tell us that mum has had a baby girl. Sandra was born at 10.03pm weighing 6lb, I was so excited to have a baby sister as at the age of 15 it felt like she was my own little baby, which is why I guess I call her my baby girl.

Sandra and I have always had a close and special relationship, at night would come in and get into bed with me or if not during the night she would come and get into bed with me first thing of a morning. She used to love to baby with my hair.

When Sandra and David were only little I use to push them in a large old pram that mum had around to the corner shop with me and when I would go shopping at the local shopping centre I would also take Sandra with me. There was this woman who worked on the door of Kmart who for many years thought I was in fact Sandra’s mum.

I even took Sandra to school with me one day to show her off to my friends I was in year 9 at the time, some of the kids at school thought she was my daughter and I remember thinking how do you think I had a baby without anyone noticing but then I went to school with some right idiots……………………lol